Validation

I remember at time when Steven and I were in counseling, creating a parenting agreement during our separation. He did not like some of the things the mediator was saying and stormed out with a few choice words directed at me. I sat there I suppose with a pretty shell shocked look on my face. I think I had that look a lot that year+. But it also was a time of great validation for me too. The mediator/therapist leaned over, gently touched my hand and said, "Your not crazy". Finally! Someone else was seeing it too! For a while there I had blamed myself so much, that it had to be me. And nowI find myself in that same position, questioning, is it me? It can't be them, too much of a coincidence or something, it has to be me. Or is it that I make that many bad decisions and get involved with crazy people. I think I am the only one that is taking responsibility for my actions and words so it must be me. But if it is me, then why is that what they are continuing to do seems so wrong and hurts people?

OK, to explain now what happened. I got a call Monday night at 9 something PM. I was in the movie theater (yes, it was on silent mode). It was Aaron's exwife. She identified herself and I told her I was in the middle of a movie could I call her back. She snapped at me that she needed my brother's phone number. Well, I do not just give out people's phone numbers without checking with them first. So I did, I checked with him. He did not want to call her but told me I could give her his number. Ok, done, will do that when the movie is over so I am not talking in the theater. Well, she is insistent. She calls again. I do not answer. As I leave the theater, I check the message. "Beth, I would not be calling you if this were not important! I need David's number, please call me back immediately". OK, what now? I call her. She immediately starts in on how this is important and she needs his number. I ask what is going on. She says she is not at liberty to say right now. Well, I guess I am not at liberty to give out numbers. She tells me I will find out when I check my email. OK, "why don't you just tell me now so I do not have to take the time to check my email. " "I don't have time for this, Beth, give me the number!" I again asked about the email. It seems we got and email from Aaron. He was upset about his lack of finances and what he has to pay to support the kids. She calls him. He is crying and very depressed. She did not say it but I can only guess she was figuring he was suicidal and she felt it was her duty to get him in touch with his best friend. I told her that David was with family at the moment and I would call him and relay the message. "Just give me the number Beth!" Sue is a drama queen and likes to be the center of attention and the hero so to speak and I told her so. "Oh, now we see your true colors, this is not about being a f*$&!^g hero and has nothing to do with me!" she yells. I said, "Sue everything you do has to do with you, you love being the center of attention no matter who you hurt" "What does that mean? How do I do this?" I told her she did this by using the children as a weapon against Aaron, Me even her own sister. Of course then she wanted to know and when did I hear this directly from her sister? I said, "Sue, I thought you did not have time for this". I told her I would call my brother. She said, "Beth, Aaron is not going to talk to you" Why? ... oh this really got me .... she said he would not talk to me because, "You and I are the ones who have caused this problem for him." How? .... I did not think it would get worse .... "cause you and I are the ones asking for more and more money from him" OH! I LOST IT! I have held my tongue for 5 years but being told by her that I was the problem and trying to get more money from him was the last straw for me!!! This camel broke!!! I told her, "Don't ever compare me to you! I have never asked him for anything. I do not get childsupport. She is the self absorbed, self centered one who uses her kids to hurt others, (yes like a weapon she uses them), I let her know that I get NO child support, Aaron pays McKenna's day care ONLY. I have not gone to CSE to file for anything, I HAVE given him money and helped him out of having to pay taxes! I work for a living and take care of my responsibilities while she sits on her a$$ at home and lives off of Michael and I felt sorry for Michael! That I would call MY BROTHER and have hime get in touch with MY HUSBAND, yes contrary to what you think Aaron and I are still married and that she should NEVER ever compare me to her!" and I hung up. My friend Beth who I went to the movies with was applauding and saying good for you! She is glad I finally got mad and stopped taking it from these people. I guess it did not add to Sue's favor that I had just had to deal with Steven and he was a prince (toad to put it nicely) and that Katie and Chris were begging me to come get them so they could come to McKenna's birthday (Sue won't bring them even half way, we have been through that and Aaron may not have the gas money to come) AND I got an email supposedly written by Katie earlier that day asking for me or someone in my family to come get them for the birthday, that her mom would gladly give up her weekend for me to see them.

Well, I did call David. He did try to get Aaron last night and in the morning again. He called me earlier today and said that he left a message that if he did not hear from him in 30 minutes he was heading to Rocky Mt. Well about an hour later, David called me back. He had talked to him and Aaron just wanted to be left alone. So, I called Sue to let her know we had heard from him, he was alright and wanted to be left alone and asked that she not call him and I hung up. I got the following email after my phone call to her.

Beth,
I appreciate your call telling me that Aaron was okay. However, after the horrendous way you spoke to me last night, I no longer wish to have any contact with you what so ever. Your instability came across loud and clear and I do not want nor do I need to deal with that from you.
I did talk to David last night and he had no problem giving me his numbers. I will go through him from now on.
And as far as having the Children, (which I have been told by many that you said you “hated them” at one time) unless Aaron is there, it will not happen. I no longer trust or respect you. And I do not think it would be wise to have Aarons and my children around such unpredictability. You may call that “using the children as a weapon”, I call it protection.
There is so much more I would like to say, but I am not going to stoop to your level.

Susan

P.S.
no need to reply, you are on my blocked senders list.

And it is me who is crazy and unstable?