I was sent this in an email from a woman I love and respect very much but oddly enough have never met face to face. We know each other very well, support each other unconditionally and are family although the only blood connection we have is McKenna. She is the sister of Aaron's mother who passed away when Aaron was McKenna's age now. She had become my friend, my Aunt Connie. I like the words that she sent, believe them for myself but do not believe men do.
"A Woman"
This is written in the Hebrew Talmud,
the book where all of the sayings and preachings
of Rabbis are conserved over time.
It says:
"Be very careful if you make a woman cry,
because God counts her tears.
The woman came out of a man's rib,
not from his feet to be walked on,
not from his head to be superior,
but from the side to be equal.
Under the arm to be protected
and next to the heart to be loved."
Pass this on to all theexceptional women in your life ...
and to the men as well so they know the value of a woman.
What startled me was my response to her.
I have seen the words before and they are beautiful. Unfortunately I have learned from the teacher called experience, that men do not feel this way. Not men about women, husbands about wives or fathers about daughters ... society has created a gender that does not take responsibility and made it easy to abandon. Please forgive me for the negetivity and over generalizing but between my dad, Steven and how he treats his mom, me, Alyssa, Aaron and his disappearing act not only with me but Alyssa, McKenna, Katie and Chris - as any kind of real father, a friend of mine that I really cared about who did the Mr. Magician act, and my brothers, David well, you know that story and Matt who lives in the same town as me but I have never seen their house, know I can not call on him if I needed help, etc ... In earthly men it does not exsist.
I ask myself, what am I looking for? What am I expecting? Well, I didn't expect them to just quit. I do not expect to be taken care of, I do not know. I supposed each of them taught me a hard lesson I do not like that I have learned. What to glean out of it? What to do next is generally my take on lessons learned. These I just do not understand at all and am lost on what to learn and what to do next.
1 comment:
Beth,
Yes, I'm back after a short vacation and as always enjoy following your posts with interest.
After reading this post, I must say I thoroughly enjoyed the quote from the Talmud, but also must admit that despite my efforts (good or bad) I fail to live up to the perfect unconditional love I think you are searching for. I think a part of being human is to hold some selfishness, some self centeredness, some irresponsibility. As much as I sometimes pat myself on the back for bringing home the bacon, getting up at night to feed our daughters when they were infants, driving my daughter to school, doing home chores and repairs, trying to give support and encouragement, there are times I see some resentment at spending every last dime on the next set of lawn furniture, or investing in a small business or braces for our youngest. That there are times I prefer to be alone rather than to constantly be in the company of my partner (wife). That sometimes I resent cleaning the kitchen (my home duties), mowing the lawn, paying the bills and finding the laundry still in the dryer (her home chores) after a week, now hopelessly wrinkled. I am still a long shot from unconditional love.
I have just finished the New Testament section "Letters to the Romans" where Paul reports falling short of the mark is part of the human condition. I don't use this as an excuse, I just realize that only through prayer and faith will I ever have a chance to achieve better in this life.
So, yes, all men are in some degree guilty as charged in your essay. I acknowledge my share of the blame. From your writings it seems you have had the misfortune to become attached to some who may be even less than giving, less than caring. I spent the last year mentally struggling over memories of a relationship (a marriage if you will) which was not too unlike those that you describe. Could the end result have been different if at some point I hadn't put down my foot and said "enough is enough, this is not a healthy relationship for either of us?" Only God knows if I made the right choice. But, ultimately, after years of struggles I believe my current marriage and family are blessed and I pray each day to be a better father and husband. To be less selfish and more giving. I pray (as you so well put in a previous blog) that someday God will bless you with the same. As always, my prayers remain with you and your girls.
-Chet
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