Well, I got my response from Sue. Of course this is after she called me to see if I was going to get the children this weekend (I found out later she needed a babysitter for Saturday Night - fine I have no problem helping out). She is more than willing for them to be with me IF I come and get them and bring them home. I was afraid that she would not like my response about meeting half way instead of agreeing to her terms of "you want to see my kids you come get them" that she would retaliate using the children as the weapon of choice as she has done to Aaron many times.
It is sad really.
I wrote:
Susan,
I just got an email from Steven. He will be getting Alyssa Saturday early evening so she will be here for some of the weekend. I appreciate you offering me your weekend and will gladly help you out with the kids since you need a babysitter for Saturday night anyway.
I understand your feelings about it being Aaron's responsibility to come to Cary to get the kids but I am not Aaron and feel we can compromise on behalf of Katie and Chris. I will gladly meet you half way wherever you designate on Friday or Saturday and again on Sunday. The precedence that you feel you need to set is just that, something you want to set for you ... it does not really have anything to do with Katie or Chris's benefit. I do not mean to upset you or challenge your choice with Aaron, that precedence I agree with you on. You are Katie and Chris's mom and I will respect whatever choice you make whether to compromise and work together for the kids to be able to see McKenna and Alyssa or not. You are their mom and the decision maker. We always love having them and they are welcome anytime. I would never presume to ask you to come all the way to Greenville as I feel it is fair to meet you because I am grateful to see the kids and take care of them while you and Michael get time together at the theater.
Let me know if you would like to meet Friday (anytime) or Saturday (Morning or evening - I have to take McKenna to a bday party sometime Sat. - where is that invitation?) and the time. I hope we can work something out.
Give our love to Chris and Katie
Her decision
Beth,
I feel that there is a definite tug of war going on; One that both the children and I are involved in.
I believe that it would be best if since the children got to know you through their father, that if they want to see you, they need to deal with him on that as well. It is a tragic situation, true, but separation and divorce do happen and "families" are torn apart.
I need to preserve my family and my children's relationship with their father, grand father and Aunt. That in itself is a lot of responsibility.
If Aaron feels that he needs to preserve Katie and Chris'a Relationship with you and Alyssa as well, I have NO problem with that, but as their father, he needs to make that call, not me.
Yes it will be hard to explain to Katie and Chris the reality of the situation, but I hope in time they will understand. When you and Aaron were together, you were a part of their lives because you were his wife. Now that is no longer so. I believe in my heart that continuing to foster a relationship will only hurt the children more. It will only confuse them more, and make things more difficult in the future.
It is time to move on, let go, cry a little, mourn, and start to deal with what is here and now.
I am sorry if this hurts you, I mean you no ill will. I hope you know that. But my children are living and trying to grasp at a past that no longer exists. They have come to accept Aaron's and my divorce, and know that is reality, a separation must be made somewhere and I think this is the place.
If the children wish to see you and Alyssa that is fine, but they will have to go through their father.
Where did half of this come from? Does not really matter, I will continue to say, "you can not get a rational response from and irrational person" Please forgive me for praying for the children only.
3 comments:
It is sad and I am sorry it turned out so poorly for the children. You get an A for good intentions. Way too often do I see the children used as pawns in the relationship game of adults. What kind of adults do these children become when they grow up, I do not know. I still think it was a beautiful gesture you made to try to remember these children. God bless you and your family.
-Chet
Thank you Chet. I am learning not to take it personally, even though it is meant to be taken that way. I am learning to recognize issues of others that are not mine nor my responsibility. I will love them because of who they are, they are children and I stand firm in my belief that you do not abandon any child. I responded back to this decision stating simply no "tug of war" that I genuinely wanted to offer the children a choice they would enjoy. I said I would respect her decision. Stated that I understood her decision to be Yes if I would come to get them, No if I looked for a compromise. I closed it with Thank you for considering it, give our love to Chris and Katie.
I try to keep my words short and simple as each letter I feel is just kindling for a unnecessary fire.
Thank you for your kind words. God bless you and yours as well.
It is a shame that the ones who truly suffer in this situation are the children. Through our conversations it has been made clear to me that Sue still has real problems regarding her and Aaron's divorce, even though it happened many years ago. (Does Chris even remember a time when his parents were together?) In this case, Sue is getting what she wants at the expense of her children and their little sister.
You've done well. Your motives were pure. Take comfort in that, as it appears you have. Sue will have to deal-internally and externally-with the consequences of her decision. That isn't your problem.
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