Changes

Life is full of changes. I know that, I understand change moves us forward and I handle change pretty well. But life has been so full of changes since this millennium started that I think I have had enough of changes that are made for me that I just have to handle. People ask me why I like giraffes so much. I tell them it is because I used to work at a zoo and to escape from the administration headaches of my job I would find solstice down at the giraffe house with the newest of the herd, "Angel". Which is true but I also relate to them. They seem such adaptable creatures and awkwardly graceful. I have had to adapt so much of my life that doing for others is second nature but doing for me seems so selfish. Adapting to relationships (three since 2000), places to live (2 states 4 places since 2001) new jobs (4 since 2000). Maybe I will talk about the relationships, hence the disappearances in the title .... Intrigued? I was. Does intrigue always bring heartache?
Gracefully awkward could describe me. I mean I am not ugly, I will never be on the cover of Glamour either but not hard on the eyes or at least in my day I wasn't. But I have never felt comfortable in my own skin. Pretty tough when you have to be in your skin 24/7. Physically I am not happy with my skin these days. I have had two children and the skin does not fit like I want it to. I have joined Weight Watchers to support a friend but not sure I am doing very well. But then again, I am hard on myself and have little patience with me. Interesting that the doing for others is second nature for me and that I am very tolerant of others but not so much of me.
I am a good person, loving, caring, accomplished, educated ... adaptable. I should revel in the things I have been able to do in my short more than 30+ years of my life but for some reason it does not seem enough and I can tie myself in knots about it. But then again... life is continuously full of changes. Maybe in the next 30+ years of my life that to will change!