Tears of Sleep

Christmas was exhausting. There were so many good things to tell you about and I will ... more to come but I needed to say this.

Christmas was full of family and white elephants. I will tell you about them too. Christmas Eve was spent braving the stores for the last minute buys, frantic wrapping and church. Church is a place of peace for me although I rarely get through a service without tears. don't they say that tears are God's way of helping to cleanse your soul? Anyway, we had dinner out with Mom, sister and niece. Did the traditional Charles Dickens A Christmas Carol with George C Scott (My favorite). I read my little one Twas The Night before Christmas when there was a knock at the door but no one was there ...freaked my sister out ... check out the Mystery Elf entry. Santa delivered the high tech tricycle with some assembly required and my head hit the pillow about 1 AM or so. Alyssa (the teenager) woke us up in the morning. McKenna (2) was not awake yet but thanks to her Sissy she was about to get her first real intro do Santa and gifts. Of course the high tech tricycle was the first to be seen and immediately she climbed up on it and declared it 'Kenna's car! Church again at 11 and then to Mom's for lunch. My brother and sister-in-law were there (yes, the one who months ago told me I was manipulative, selfish and not trustworthy so the 22 year friendship we have had is not worth her effort - if you ask me why I could not tell you I was told via email that she had her reasons but not something she was willing to write as she was afraid it would be shared with others ... If you have insight to it let me know). We hurried from Mom's back to my house as my dad and step mom were to be there to see my girls before they had to leave with their prospective parents ... Ah the casualties of divorce and separation. Aaron came and got McKenna and all the gifts I had for him, Katie and Chris (my step kids/McKenna's half siblings) and their parents Sue (Aaron's 1st wife) and Michael (their step dad if they ever go ahead and get married). Yes, I had gifts for them all. Like I said previously doing for others is second nature. After they left, my brother David, his girlfriend and my niece all came. Then the brother and estranged sister-in-law, everyone came to my house including the white elephants. Alyssa then left with her father after he made a few curt comments and I stood there in the driveway with a house full of family but MY family was gone.

The house sortof emptied out or all inhabitants went to bed about 2 AM or so. I went to bed with none of my children in my home and I was tired. I woke the next morning listening to by brother leave. But it was not their noise that woke me, it was a wet feeling on my face. I had been crying, asleep but crying. It was the first time in a while that I have really felt alone. But on cue, as if God where reminding me I was never alone, my daughter's cat breathed softly next to me, snuggled on the pillow next to me, looking at me with safire blue eyes reminding me I am not alone and that I am loved.