Online Support System

This blog is my way of journaling, getting the feelings out as well as letting you know what is happening in my life. My support system of friends that I share intimate life details spread from VA Beach through Memphis to California. I thank you for your love and support and always wish you were closer. Chad is the closest member of my support system but since we are not dating any longer, needing or wanting to talk to him, he is always open to but I do not want to sneak around or make things uncomfortable at home. So, he and I "talk" via IM. This conversation was one that taught me something and I wanted to save it with my journalings.

Beth: Thank you for the icecream last night and for coming to see McKenna. She has wondered where you are.
Chad: Thank you for letting me. Chad: How was Alyssa when she got home?
Beth: ok
Beth: she talked about Brad
Chad: talking is good
Chad: he still bothering her?
Beth: no not really, only in her mind
Chad: talking is definitely good then
Beth: she does not talk really she just recaps events
Chad: ah.
Chad: she needs to learn to talk about her feelings
Beth: but she does need to talk about her feelings
Chad: she holds way too much in
Beth: what is she going to say?
Chad: about me? I have no idea
Beth: would she say to me, I thought you weren't seeing him anymore? and me say I am not he came by with icecream, she knows I am not seeing you anymore because of her
Chad: did you say anything about it?
Beth: just that you came by with icecream
Chad: I know that she may not understand right now
Beth: understand?
Chad: about my visiting
Chad: my still being around in general
Beth: she probably thinks I am not really not seeing you just saying it but then again I am always coming up with what other people might think and internalizing that
Chad: well... my best suggestion to take care of that is to talk to her.
Beth: i need to talk to her about that and about McKenna and her dealings with her
Chad: you will never know what she is thinking unless you do. Problem is, if she is anything like I was SHE may not even know what she is thinking. She may have feelings about things, but not really pay attention to the thoughts creating those feelings
Chad: while talking to her, try to get her to share her thoughts about things... not just feelings
Beth: yes I say lots of times what makes you think that?
Beth: i get i don't know
Chad: try a different approach
Chad: ask same question in a different way
Beth: like
Chad: sounds as though directly asking thoughts initiates a defensive reaction
Beth: maybe say, did something happen that makes you feel that way?
Chad: she does tell you things that happen
Chad: that book I gave you is all about Cognitive Therapy... changing thoughts
Beth: have not read it
Beth: cant concentrate to read
Chad: Maybe asking why she thinks something makes her get the idea that you think she is wrong
Beth: probably
Chad: try using teacher strategies to help get it out
Chad: "is this the right answer?" "Maybe, how did you get that answer?"
Beth: ok
Chad: Feelings are the answer. Thoughts are the "work" that get that answer
Beth: will try
Chad: I am not trying to tell you what to do or how to do it. I am only using my own experience to offer suggestions
Beth: i appreciate the insight
Chad: I do not know what you should say to help get her to share her thoughts
Beth: me either
Chad: I do believe that is what needs to come out though. Learning to identify them and deal with them each has helped me tremendously
Beth: yes
Chad: it is very hard at first
Chad: seems that thoughts just spin around our heads so fast that they cannot be identified
Chad: we try to follow them and they get away
Beth: or keep us awake
Chad: true
Chad: it gets easier as we learn to use a strobe light effect
Beth: ?
Chad: with a spinning wheel with writing on it, if you tune the light to strobe at the right time, you can read the writing as if it were still
Chad: instead of trying to follow our thoughts around our head, wearing us out and giving us a headache, we can focus on one point (thought) and catch it each time it goes by
Chad: then we can analyze it and determine how to deal with it
Chad: the thoughts that occur most often are easiest to identify
Chad: the same thoughts often come with different issues. Once we have identified them, they are easier to locate, identify, and deal with
Chad: the hardest part is learning to take a second to identify them
Chad: and then replace them with a conscious, more productive thought
Chad: like with any other habit, which is exactly what automatic thoughts are, they do not completely go away, they are just easier to deal with
Chad: that is how to improve our feelings
Chad: and, in turn, our mood
Chad: I hope my "Numbers-like" explanation helps some
Beth: yes
Chad: are you doing ok?

I appreciate you all reading and responding. It feels good to know you are there!