Over three years ago, we met with a counselor and worked out a parenting agreement detailing how McKenna would be raised and what the responsibility was for each of us as her parents. This is detailed from how old she must be to be left alone for small periods of time to how her education will be taken care of through graduate school if she so chooses and her wedding. It covers insurance, medical expenses including activities recommended by the pediatrician due to the hypertonia, when and how child support will be taken care of (set by state guidelines and to begin June 30, 2005). This is an agreement we both made so that we had a clear idea of how McKenna will be cared and provided for ... without it both of us can change our minds and do whatever willy nilly with no regard for the other parent. When my lawyer attempted to admit the parenting agreement into evidence as it states how we agreed that child support would be dealt with, the opposing lawyer did just that ... he opposed stating that this agreement was not the agreement that Aaron sign. I was confused. His signature was on it beside the notary stamp. So now opposing counsel is arguing semantics (judges word) regarding the agreement. I felt like the foundation of what I could count on as agreed upon by McKenna's parents was being chipped away at ... what security do I have that Aaron will follow through, be a man of his word for his daughter now or years in the future?
Both lawyers did run the guidelines for child support just as expected. Aaron's lawyers monthly number came out $8 less that what my lawyer calculated. Aaron refused. My lawyer suggested to meet mid point, at first they said no, so the issue was tabled for a moment. According to the parenting agreement, Aaron and I said we would split out of pocket medical expenses 50/50. His lawyer said they would do that AFTER $250 was accumulated and paid by me every calendar year. That sounds like a deductible. I have to pay a deductible before Aaron will begin to help with half of McKenna's medical needs, something he agreed to do in the parenting agreement and no deductible was EVER mentioned. Then he did not want to help pay for McKenna's gymnastics, something she has done since she was 2, recommended by the pediatrician as physical therapy for the hypertonia. She first went to a traditional gym for gymnastics but when she was 3 the doctor said she has flat feet and must do all structured activities in shoes, good supportive shoes or she will have to be in orthopedic shoes. This is why McKenna's sandals are Tevas, Her school shoes are Crocks or Sperry's, she wears tennis shoes with good support and why she goes to a gym that does gymnastics in shoes. The only other gyms in town are ECCATS and CIS both cheerleading gyms with gymnastics. The Doctor also recommended dance, Ballet. Aaron does not feel the gymnastics or dance should be any of his responsibility even though it is in the parenting agreement and recommended by the pediatrician AND we have been participating in some sort of structured physical activity/therapy since McKenna was 6 months old. Why now does he not want to support that? I suppose I should have been more diligent in sending him the receipts/canceled checks for her gymnastics before but I am not good at asking people for money owed to me and often do not do it. Guess that better change. When the monthly tuition and additional fees were calculated for the year and divided by 12 months, it is about $25 per month in addition to the tuition that is required. Additional fees are uniforms and competitions. It is a cheerleading gym so she is part of a gymnastics/cheerleading team. Aaron refuses to pay half of anything over the monthly tuition. $12.50 per month. He is quibbling over $8 and $12.50. It is NOT The money that makes any difference to me, it is the fact that he refuses to support his child at all, he does not come to the competitions, recitals, school functions, none of it. I agreed to him not helping with anything over the monthly tuition. He agreed to meet half way on the child support, $4. And all of this (Minus admitting the agreement in as evidence) was done BEFORE we ever started talking to the judge either with the lawyers in the hall way as Aaron and I sat in the courtroom or back and forth between the tables. While in the hallway, his lawyer asked my substitute lawyer (my actual lawyer had a conflict in his schedule so another lawyer came with me, I really like the substitute lawyer so that was ok.)He asked my substitute lawyer if custody was OK. She thought he meant what we had established in the parenting agreement and had been following for the past three years because there was not issue of custody today and said yes reiterating that. I know you are wondering , where is the judge. Well his earlier case had lasted longer than should so he was about an hour behind and he did come in and sit down at the bench, waiting for us a few times as we tried to fix a mistake.
His lawyer came over to my actual lawyer (who got there late), me and the substitute lawyer as she and I were fixing some numbers. There was a miscommunication between me and the paralegal who crunched some numbers, which inflated my costs in calculating childsupport, in my favor but not fair so we were changing them. He presented us with a handritten paper that outlined childsupport, medical expenses, insurance and CUSTODY! WHAT? A change in custody and visitation? WHAT? I was even more confused, Aaron wants to change custody and more visitation? And his lawyer is saying that we sued them for custody and visitation and this is their response. Why are we seeing a response for the first time hand written today? What petition for custody and visitation.... NO we follow the parenting agreement (except for Aaron asked to see McKenna once a month now instead of the every two weeks like what is in the agreement). His lawyer made a big show as to cross out the custody part and say fine we will have a custody trial. Um, if we had sued him for custody and were in court that day, wouldn't that be the trial date? But we were there for child support establishment. He went the bench, spoke to the court lady there who does the schedule and typing (don' t use stenographers anymore I guess) and then with a grand gesture picked up the phone and very loudly set a trial date with her and his office. When the lawyers left the room and the judge had too, I turned to Aaron and asked what was the custody issue? Did he want a change in custody and visitation? He just put his hands up, clasped them together and put them up again saying, you talk to them. He would not even look at me.
So they put me on the stand, asked me about 5 introductory questions, name, etc. Tried admit the parenting agreement as evidence and his lawyer objected. They spent more than 30 minutes arguing his objection. He said we needed to sue for breech of contract if we were going to use the parenting agreement (I wanted to throw up ... I lost Aaron, my husband and friend years ago when he was sued for breech of contract by Sue and his lawyer was suggesting I do that ... I wanted to throw up). So, we go back to court on September 9 to discuss custody,visitation, and arrearage (which is another one that confuses me). Aaron has paid McKenna's day care before and since he left and he deserves the credit for doing that, I am thankful. He has not paid anything in addition. My lawyer calculated that he owes about $9K which is wrong, hence us fixing the numbers it should not be that much. Aaron's lawyer says I owe him a refund of $7K where he paid too much. Too much? what did he pay over the day care and 1/3 insurance, which by the way, his insurance costs is the same if he has one child or three on it but no matter he should get 1/3 credit for that. I do not care if they run the numbers and say, 'Well Beth, Aaron owes n
othing in childsupport for the past 3 plus years" OK fine it is settled but I am asking for it to be calculated for two reasons only. 1. I have taken money out of my home equity to make ends meet and need to pay that back so if I get arrearage I will put it directly in to the home equity account. 2. Aaron walked out on his child and family, I have dealt with that and am ok but whether living with us or living on his own, he has a responsibility to his child. Not me anymore, I don't need anything from him for me, but McKenna, she does.
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