I have said so many times that it could be my mantra, "Perception may not be reality but it is something you have to deal with." I have said that so often that it has taught me to look past what I think, feel or believe and look at how someone else might come to the perception they have (whether it is correct of me or not). You know, the old "two sides to every story". Can you see the two sides? This was very evident to me recently when a man I met online before Christmas came to a perception that was not a true reality but it was something I needed to deal with. We met through a Christian website and exchanged IMs and emails on the website, moved to personal emails and on to phone calls. There has been only a couple of days since Christmas that we have not spoken, in some form or fashion, sharing everything from mundane daily schedules to aspirations and philosophies of faith and how we both came to Christ. There was one stumbling block, pictures. The desire for and the lack of having them to send or actually digging through albums raising past memories to get them. See blog from January 7th. My new friend, who I had come to respect for his views about family and men taking responsibility (as you know I have not had great experiences with men in my life taking responsibility or cherishing family), was coming to the perception that because I was not sending the photos he requested, that I was hiding something and was not as forthcoming a person as he would like to be involved with. So he decided to end the "relationship" before it ever really got started. His perception was not reality but it was something I had to deal with. Defending myself and my actions, or lack of since I was not comfortable getting and sending the pictures for reasons I have explained (Jan 7th), was received, by him, as lame excuses and a challenge to his feelings. He felt as he did and that was that. I would never deny anyone their feelings no matter how misguided their perception was leading them. In his defense, he did apologize for pushing me to do something that was not on my heart to do, or something he thought/perceived was not on my heart to do. But in the same breath he was also sorry things did not "workout" for us and although he cherished my friendship and believes me to be a wonderful person, due to this issue, I was not someone he felt he could pursue a relationship with. A choice he made, that I respect on a perception that is not reality. I did comply with his numerous requests for pictures of me. I did not acknowledge how important this was to him even though I heard the numerous requests and I did not offer legitimate explanations to why I was not doing as he asked, simple a task as he might have perceived it to be. He viewed it as he was forthcoming and wanted me to know him and he sent me 11 pictures. It was confusing and frustrating to him that I did not want him to know me too, so he thought, even though we talked several times a day sharing intimate parts of our lives and selves. Or I believe this is how he perceived it. I have to wonder if he has stopped to see that what he was doing, might be doing, is ending a relationship before it had the chance to start because I was not doing something he wanted me to do. He would say the perception is not reality..... But isn't it something you should deal with or at least consider?
Today is January 15th. One year ago today my husband of only 1 year and 10 months left our family and marriage because he had the perception that he was broken and needed to fix himself. If there is two sides to every story and a that is something I have definalty been left to deal with maybe there is a mirror perception that because he left his family and marriage before it was given a real chance to start and "workout" that is when he became broken. The only thing I know to do now is to pray for him. Christ's grace and mercy will be the only thing that will truly fix him.
Despite the events of a year ago and in another perception BECAUSE of the events that of a year ago today, I have wonderful things to do today. I will tell you about them after they have unfolded their grace and mercy upon me!
May God bless you in all your perceptions and help you to understand if they are reality or just something you have to deal with!
1 comment:
Relationships are funny things. A lot of the time all we have to go on are perceptions. Why? Because people are too insecure to be completely honest about themselves (a problem I've not witnessed as one with which you struggle) or they are on the defensive and cannot see beyond their own mindsets.
Sadly, people seldom realize they have mindsets, walls, whatever you want to call them, that end up hurting them rather than helping.
As for this guy - given how far away he is my first question was "what relationship?" Secondly, I find it sad that someone cannot even conceive of being attracted to someone with qualities other than physical ones.
Besides, I think you're cute!
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