I had a friend of mine say to me tonight that we are all in search of someone. Someone to complete us, fill a void, make changes in our lives, etc. And when we meet that someone and maybe marry them, we lose a little of ourselves as an individual but with that comes benefits of unity. Then the kids come along and we lose a little more of ourselves, jobs, finances, changes, life ... and we continue to lose a little more of ourselves and it seems we are always looking to find what has been lost.
I said I understood how people could think that way but to me, that is a bunch of crap. We do not lose ourselves, we make choices that change our lives. We chose to get married, we chose to bring children into our lives, we chose jobs ... we do not lose ourselves in the process, it is who we become. We made the choices for change, now accept what change has brought you. Enough of this junk of leaving marriages and families in ruin because you have to "go find yourself" or "feel broken and need to fix yourself". It is change that happens from a choice we made. Accept it, take responsibility and live it!
I also think that if we are constantly searching for someone to complete us, complement us, fill a void ... than we will constantly be disappointed in our search. There is only one that will complete us, complement us and fill any void. The same one that will heal the broken heart, shine light in your darkest hour, provide a change in your life that is better than any love or marriage you could imagine. The only one who will not disappoint. But only if you believe.
Nothing is more practical than finding God,
that is, falling in love in a quite absolute,final way.
What you are in with, what seizes
your imagination, will affect everything.
It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning,
what you will do with your evenings,
how you will spend your weekends, what you read,
who you know, what breaks your heart,
and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.
Fall in love. Stay in love. And it will decide
everything.
Pedro Arrupe, sj
3 comments:
Amen! Wendy!
Beth,
This was so beautifully put. I learned a long time ago that I couldn't be happy with someone until I was happy with myself. I had to learn about myself before I was ready to share myself with another. A lesson learned too late for marriage #1. Even with an excellent job, more education than most, more possessions than I could ever dream of, a good marriage and good kids, there was something missing in my life. A void I couldn't fill with a mastercard or a dinner out or a new car. I found the missing piece last summer, and you know what that was. The missing piece of my life was a relationship with God. I wouldn't have believed it a year ago and now I can't picture life without that relationship. The bread which never leaves you hungry. And you know he will never leave you or forsake you for another. Your words are like music and thankfully I now know the tune.
-Chet
Chet, you deserve a big AMEN too!! Could you imagine the pain and loss so many of us would avoid if we learned these lessons BEFORE marrying, looking for something that will not really satisfy us, leave families and divorce still in a vain search? My only hope is that I have learned if soon enough in my life, to pass it on through modeling to my children and one day be open to sharing it with a person in my life. Not to complete me but to share and enhance the lessons still yet to learn in life. I always like seeing that you have stopped by and reading your comments. Thank you!
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