Fat VS Fluffy

I have always like the Garfield cartoon where he states, "I.m not overweight, I am undertall" and I have always laughed and said, "I'm not fat, I'm fluffy." Cute as it maybe and eaiser to refer to myself as fluffy .. just sounds better, more cuddly I suppose, it does not change the fact that I have allowed myself to gain more weight than I ever have in my life. More than when I was in the 9th month of either pregnancy. A bathtowel does not go around me so I use a beach towel or bath sheet. I take pictures everywhere we go, but hate being in them and for some reason seem surprised when I do see myself in a picture that I have gotten this large. "Don't you see yourself in the mirror?" well. not if I can help it. If I even do put make up on anymore I do it in the car, the rearview is much smaller than a full length!

Oh, reading the articles about how stress causes you to lose weight, or not getting enough sleep at night slows your metabolism, or stress causes belley fat ... how many other articles can I read that will hand me an excuse? But that is just what it is an excuse but even more so it is a choice. I guess I have chosen to look the other way and allow myself to put on more than 70 lbs of extra weight. There was even a time that I thought that men are not interested in me because I am fat. And if they were not interested in me, then well, no reason to try, better yet, I would not get my heart broken or be disappointed again. Well, I am disappointed. I am disappointed in myself.

I will go out of my way to do for someone else in need. I find self worth and happiness in helping others. But when it comes to this, I am at a loss at how to really help myself and make it stick. I don't do for me. I can tell myself I am doing it for the girls. Yep, I need to lose weight for McKenna and Alyssa. I can say that learning to eat right will benefit them. That if I exercise that will provide a good role model for them. That they need a healthy mom ... health problems do occur from being overweight and yes ... at my age ...

I know that eating right and exercising is good for me. I liked it when I got to the gym even though it did require time and money that I felt selfish taking from the girls as something for me. I know that losing weight is possible other people have done it and the look and feel fabulous. I can go to another country to help people I do not even know but I can not get out of my bed int he morining to do something that will help me. I would do anything for my girls. So why can't I do this?

2nd Trip To The Dominican

June 2008

I am sincerely grateful for the prayers and support our team received when we traveled to the Dominican Republic. It is an amazing experience, one that continues to influence my life there and at home. We spend our time helping to build churches and doing children’s ministry but the main purpose for our being there is to build relationships; relationships with the people in La Romana and with Christ. Learning about and living a missional lifestyle is a study in flexibility, acceptance and inspiration. A Christ centered life.

This trip was different than my first trip last year. Then I was a blank slate with no expectations going completely on faith. Considering that I was added to the team 3 weeks before they left, I had no birth certificate, no passport and the week was in May (fortunately it was the week of testing and I do not teach during that week - a God thing, it was all a God thing!) This year, I found I was looking for people, experiences and things a recognized. A lesson learned this year, it is better to live life in faith, a blank slate that God fills with His glory. I was very happy to see Francis, a boy who touched my heart last year. Alyssa asks each year if Francis can come live with us. He and his brother used to live with his Grandmother. I learned that she passed away this year and they live with an Aunt and 14 other family members. The school that we work with in the DR has been accepted in the Compassion International program. This program lists the children for sponsorship which pays for their education, supplies and meals at school. Children ages 3-8 are eligible for sponsorship. Once sponsored, the children stay in the program until they are 20. Pastor Isidro has a spirit filled heart for these children and does not turn ANY child away from school regardless of finances. Francis is eleven and too old for sponsorship but Pastor Isidro and I have worked out a way to finance Francis’s education and I am pleased to see his progress from last year. I first met Francis in a group of children that were intrigued to write their name on a magna doodle toy I had. Francis could not spell his name. His teacher tells me this year that he is writing and reading some… Praise God!

We spent the week working with children, teaching lessons on unity in the church and working together for Christ. Somehow the language difference doesn’t seem to be a barrier. My Spanish gets better each trip and interpreters help immensely. The prayer walks through the barrios are always a special time. I am thankful to everyone who helped me gather Neosporin for Pastor Isidro. He immediately put 4 of the tubes in his pockets to keep with him as he walks among the children and visits the people in his perish. We were able to go and care for various families in both Haitian and Dominican barrios. The Haitian Barrio has a large gang population but I have never felt unsafe and the gang members understand we are there to help and support those in need. It takes an afternoon to travel out to Batay Mosquito which is a Haitian refugee community that works the sugar cane fields. We take food there. Last year I met a little girl that also touched my heart. She had long hair like McKenna but dark, big eyes like McKenna but deep brown and the same age as McKenna. I got to see Felicia again and she is growing, like McKenna. We also were able to complete a roof area of Pastor Santiago’s church that will provide space for Youth Ministry. This is something I could not do without the support of friends and family. Next year, God willing, Alyssa will join me.

Summer TIme

I have a friend that tells me all the time that with my education and experience, I could easily get a job where I would make more money than teaching. Well, money is nice to have and God has provided for me, He is faithful, but I would not choose another job right now. What other job would provide the time I have to be Mommy? And that is more important than money. It is very important to me to have the same schedule as the girls and to be able to spend time with them. McKenna is my little buddy, just as Alyssa was when she was little. Now at 16, her BFF's are cooler to hang out with than Mommy. To McKenna, Mommy is still pretty cool. But then again, she did just turn 5. All to soon she will be 16 and off with the BFF's. Til then, I will cherish the summer times.

Our summer started with me leaving for the Dominican Republic two days after school let out for the teachers. As always, an amazing trip. Different from the first time I went last year but always amazing to me. More on that later. I returned from the DR on Saturday to wash clothes, covered my 4th Sunday greeting at the three services at church, packed and headed for the beach Sunday afternoon. Each summer I try to get a week at the beach with Alyssa and McKenna so we can have some time together. Alyssa's friend Amanda went with us, as she usually goes places with us. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy to have her, but at 16 text messages on the cell phone get more conversation than parents. Well, to be fair, I am fortunate that Alyssa talks to me as much as she does, which really is a very open communicaiton between teenager and parent. Yes, text messages are ringing the phone about every 60 seconds but I am glad she can talk to me.


McKenna and I have been spending time at the pool, going to the free movies, Sunday in the park concerts and taking naps. I have had to work most days since July 7th. I am reorganizing the AG curriculum for Pitt County Schools. In their infinate wisdom, they have "restructured" the program for the gifted children in our schools. More on that too! I am not good at working from home, too many distractions, so I go in to school really early in the morning and write, reorganize etc and then head home to be able to take McKenna to the pool or something. Both girls are night owls and late sleepers so by the time Alyssa is up and ready to go hang out with friends, McKenna is up, watched a bit of Noggin (her favorite channel - preschool on tv as they describe themselves) and ready for the day. Sometimes McKenna gets to be a big girl and go with Sissy and Amanda places. Other times, she is content to hang with Mommy. That's my velcro baby!