It's MY party ...

My sister sent me an email the other day letting me know that she would be coming back to NC for my birthday but that it would be the weekend after my birthday because out brother David was having a birthday party for me and his girlfriend Misty. Our birthdays are close together. He also told her that he was coming to Greenville the weekend of my birthday to celebrate. OK so if you remember previous entrees (White Elephant among others) this divorce thing that Aaron wants makes family events sticky. At least in my mind and heart. I responded to my sister excited that she would be back but put in the email a question, "I hate to ask but do you think David is going to invite Aaron?" My sister responded that she hoped that David would know that since it is my birthday that he wouldn't invite him or at the least ask me first. In any case, she suggested that I make my desires known. That was her word, desires. What are my desires? At this moment in time I am not sure what my desires are. I guess my real desires is that none of this is really happening. That my family is not torn apart and that my relationship with my brother in not strained. Welcome to reality, it is and for what reason? Another good question.

Sometimes I feel like I am in competition with Aaron for David's time. That when he comes to Greenville for my birthday, that I have to entertain him and make the time more fun than what he might have with Aaron. I know, pretty silly but I am being honest. I guess I just feel so rejected. I feel like he has already chosen Aaron, that he has to deal with me cause I am his sister but that if I am fun and he has a good time with me he will want to inspite of me being his sister.

Well, I know you will say, Beth it is YOUR birthday, do what you want to! And I will . . . . . . . After I get an email response from him letting me know what his plans are. (sheepish wince)
Hey, I am making progress, just some habits are harder to move away from. This one is really hard cause David sees me as a selfish person, I guess cause I am the baby. You know the habit I am trying to move away from is to stop worrying about what others will think, try to accommodate others inspite of me .... I am trying to learn this! Really I am!